THOUGHTS : PERCEPTION VS REALITY

Words will never be enough to describe the feeling i'm having inside at this very moment.

Nestling in an amazing coffee shop,
yeah, by myself.
I love to be alone still, something that's hard to do when you're busy with work and him.
So today i'm left to my own space,
To-finally have time to breath for a minute.

****

I awoke to a peaceful morning,
Knowing that i have this whole day to myself,
I took my time, i relished.
Most importantly,
I revived.

Flashing slowly on and off,
With a cup of my favorite morning refreshment at this small little corner of the shop on my own,
I sip, and think.
Immediately i'm hit by a series of thoughts that drag me into the reality,

 Did the reality perceive the same as the world i thought i lived in?

You fear of being weird, being left out when you can't follow the crowd or fit into their box so you spend your life trying to fit in, doing things against your will trying to please others, giving them the generic responses to receive approval from the society you wish to belong to.

So you sacrifice yourself,
To live in their dreams,
You change yourself.
You created this monster out of your own and continue to create more to be accepted and survive in a place you think how the world thinks we should be.

You created this whole thought where they didn't like you because they thought you were boring, stupid, not special.

Now you're worried.

You try to be that person you feel you should be so you try every possible way to blend in to be part of it.

You refuse to be yourself.
You have no self-confidence to do anything.
You're not proud of who you are.
You don't see yourself as good enough anymore.
You feel less and less of everything.
You want to be smarter, prettier, slimmer and better in some way to shine through the others and most importantly,
To be accepted.
You're restricted,
You're tired of acting like one of them when you're not and you ruin it all in that moment.
You feel the pressure to fit in the crowd.
You just can't be the person you want to be because of the environment they grow up in and those things they are born with you have to live without.
You know to that certain extent you gotta accept that you can never become the person you wish to become.

Is it me myself who's creating all these perceptions of reality?
Or is it what reality really is from how we perceive it to be?


What am i and what do i live for?