THOUGHT : COMPARATIVE FEELINGS

Again, someone shared something to me tonight and that somehow triggered a strong memory. This is so exhausting and it bothers me a lot i want to just keep my life simple and not think about what i could have done to change things from the past. I wish i could stop time. Truth is, it will never be again what it was. The thing is, he made it hard for me to see the light in myself no matter how strong and bright they were before. It happens too often, one day you're the happiest person ever and the next day you find yourself feeling so low and hating yourself for whatever reason.  It's not the worst kind of self-hatred anyway, but i don't ever want to make comparison and feel like i'm in a haze where nothing is important to me in the current life i'm leading.


It's just so hard to keep all the negative feelings at a distance.


I just don't see myself as good enough to just focus on what truly matters to me. Instead, i care too much about what's going on around me and as absurd as it may sound, their opinions,  and that's a killer weapon that would easily affect the choices and decisions i make in life. Everyone can just easily hate what they don't know, they dislike you, they judge you, and they hate you without any apparent reason. You feel low, depressed, isolated, and you allow your emotions to be affected, you allow it to happen, and it will continue making you feel even more difficult to feel better about yourself, keep thinking of what you could've done to alter things for the better, to what you think it supposed to be after you've wasted all the opportunities and chances to be what you wanted to be.

Oftentimes we wish to have and be like others, so we compare ourselves to someone who has all the qualities and that kind of life we admire, and we strive to make ourselves achieve better success in all ways.


Here, the jealous thoughts and feelings creep in.


You feel insecure about yourself, starting to blame yourself. You let your ego get ahead of you, sabotaging your current life forcing and pushing yourself beyond your limits. You're trapped in your own comparative thoughts. You just can't seem to focus anymore.


You lose everything, including yourself.  


You don't know what to do anymore. You achieve nothing in your life.
"If you feel low about yourself you have to do something about it." Rachel said.


I hope i have the courage to start all over again and start focusing on myself to what i really want to do.


And that's just my own wishful thinking.