Who am i lately?I don know myself anymore.

Everyone always tells me I am a nice person and everything, but I refuse to believe them, and instead choose to believe that they are just trying to be nice. All the things I tell myself keep me from really doing what I want to do, but I just don’t see myself as good enough. Out of everybody, there is only one person truly holding me back, and that is myself.

I am my worst enemy because I mess up everything I try to do. I am a danger to myself because my mind always starts to wander. I have no self-confidence to do anything. No one treats me as bad as myself. No one has physically hurt me as I’ve hurt myself. No one constantly puts me down as I do myself. No one tells me im not capable as I tell myself. No one thinks the bad things about me that I think myself, I think that qualifies me for being my own worst enemy when sometimes I can be my own best friend too. I don’t share my feelings with others but myself…before writing it up and down in my diary. I express my emotions on paper, filled with rage, passion ,lust, hatred, happiness and sadness, leaving the trace of  few drops of dried tears making my story more lively.

I have been feeling overwhelmed by everything going on in my life lately. I just wish I could feel better. I wish I could be like my last time, a happy me that never afraid of doing anything , most importantly I didn’t even give a damn about what people think about what am I doing, as long as I think I am doing the right thing for myself.

The first step of everything is the hardest, If I believe I can, I should trust myself, I can. I constantly tell myself I will get the whole world in future if I could bear through the pain in my chest with a deadline. The three words that keep me going on with my life: I must, I will, I can…from a friend who had suffered more pain than I do with the same issue.”If I can, why can’t you ? ”I sometimes just forgot how fortunate I am to be someone like myself.  I shouldn’t have given up the whole world because of this thing that is happening. The biggest enemy I have to contend with is my own self, and it’s a killer.

I know I’ve brought this all on myself. 

Don’t say I am fantastic with the things I am not good at, Don’t say I am perfect with the things I don’t, I know, it just that you are too polite to embarrass me.

I hate my life , I hate myself .