Hello 2017

A slow and windy morning. Waking to the sound of bird chirping on the big, comfy cloud before his alarm goes off. Wrapped in a blanket and watched the bright ray of sunlight peak through the glass window as I began pulling the curtains while I know I am blessed beyond blessed beyond blessed beyond blessed beyond measure, again, to be able to get a peaceful night's sleep for another night.

The stress-free days like today are absolutely the best, with his gentle snoring at my side. Touching him softly on his cheek and he stirred in his sleep as I kissed him on the lips.
"Good morning darling."  He whispered.

******

The past year has been an absolute whirlwind, and I am eternally grateful for all the wonderful things I've been given even when times are tough. I thank god for the things that went wrong, for me to learn the way to fight discouragement with appreciation, and most importantly learning to live my life a quarter mile at a time - the best way to guarantee a day of happiness.

When you're racing along the road at 180 km/h focusing too much on reaching the destination you don't have time to notice the details in your surrounding landscape. I love everything that I have been given, but sometimes we have to remember to pause, and remember all the good things we have when life gets hard. Things in life don't go exactly as planned. It's in these moments we need to stop taking things for granted, and breathe. Take a minute for the things you're blessed with, find the things to be thankful for  : Love, Health, Family.

Hopefully I'll come back with more updates on my life in 2017.

Till then,

Me

THOUGHTS : INNER PEACE

I’ve always wanted to start something new without myself being around. When I mention ‘myself’ in the sentence, I mean the ME who have lack of motivation and full of self doubt in making the first move to give something new a try. Like, anything, Literally.

I was brought up to believe that everything happens for a reason. God always has a better plan for us when things fall apart. But then, plans don’t matter, execution does. Nothing will happen with an idea or a great plan if you are not able to execute.

It’s so pathetic, I could have a long list of dreams and all gone in a second thinking of how comfortable already I am hiding into the four walls and one roof I put myself in over these years.  It feels like, I’m in a haze feeling like there’s no place in this world where I can belong. I might as well just sit and wait for another opportunity to come. Can anyone relate?

I’m still standing at the start line of a race when everyone else almost reaching the finish line. People are changing, they are evolving as they reaching, at least they are going forward into the future they dream to have. 

Then, to feel good about themselves everyone’s trying every possible way to hide their own faults and insecurities, including their true-self by making everyone else around them less than they think they are. So we lie. We lie about every single thing that would potentially make us feel less of a person. No one likes the idea of being defeated. Everybody wants to win, wants to be on top of others living up to the standard of society. 

Reflecting upon this year I’m literally wasting my time because all i know I’m not learning anything new - Or maybe i'm the one who don't take any initiative to make a step forward. I’m turning 28 and my life looks nothing like I expected – uhh how I finally woke up from living the wrong life. Sometimes we should just allow our intuition to guide us, forgetting about the reality, knowing that there must be another way out when things doesn’t go your way. 

Then it dawned upon me - If you don’t get something you wanted or you thought you deserve, then try your luck elsewhere - Just because everyone sees the same person differently. There’s certainly something about you is what other people looking for even if there’s a few disapprove of you. 

 Well, it seems Ive had a bunch to learn on inner peace, and im still learning.

Till then...

  

THOUGHT : RANDOM

It's 5.30 am. 

After 6 hours of sleep, i am welcomed by sparkling moonlight glowing in the dark and the promise of a beautiful morning to kick start my day. 

Thank God for the gift of another good night's sleep. 

If i choose to shut my eyes to the things happening around me, THAT FEELING still uncontrollably seeps in. 

But then I believe that if I am too small to make any sort of lasting change for my comfort,

I'd choose to just rely on my gut feeling and let go of the incessant worry.

Then i realized, 

It starts with me. 

So I start with myself, finding what anger and disappointment lives in me and eradicating it piece by piece. 

Gradually, things start boiling inside me. I'm burning up with anger when i finally express my emotions, then it explodes. 

Otherwise, resentment continues. 

I often have a very long thought provoking conversations with myself.

I thought i was wrong, then no, i was right, but then again, maybe i was wrong, but then i realize again i am certainly not the only one who'd end up reacting this way to a situation that's happening.  

Well, I've had a bunch to learn on inner peace. 

As for now, let's continue to be grateful for being able to sleep soundly for more than five hours every night. 

ONCE I WAS 7 YEARS OLD, ONCE I WAS

Once I was 7 years old, 

I was like some other kids who dread going to school pretty much every single day. I remember I have this one girl in my class, since I will always consider the one I spend my most time with to be my “best friend” but I’m pretty sure I was not hers. I couldn’t remember the details of why she didn’t feel the same and yeah it’s true that she was the one I first met and made friends with in the class but doesn’t mean that I have to borrow or rather “give” her whatever new stationery I kept in my small little wooden pencil box that I find it too cool for a student at my age.  
I hope all the mosquitoes come and fly at your ear with their high pitch annoying buzzing sound every night when you sleep.
Once I was 7 years old.

Once I was 10 years old, 

My teacher told me, “ Stop being violent or you’ll be grounded for the rest of the year”. During my first 3 years of primary I was with this teacher who didn’t quite like me and I got grounded by being ‘violent’ – yeah you read it correctly - just because I was having a small fight with this girl who ‘borrowed and later claimed that it’s hers’ my black mechanical pencil my mom bought for me a day before. I ended up sitting in front of the class at the top left corner which I don’t think it’s a logical move for punishment, never. Imagine when we were told to copy down whatever written on the blackboard. No, I didn’t get my pencil back and will never be.
I still remember your name you little thief and and i'll keep it until the judgment day comes. 

Once I was 15 years old, 

I was the one that being picked on during my first 2 years in this girls highschool, probably because I don’t have this chubby face bigger eyes good grades or whatever you need to have to get popular in school – I have crooked teeth with braces, old school glasses with the string attached to each side, somewhat 'burnt'' yeah i mean dark, very skinny, and very tall.  So again I made friends with this girl who was sitting next to me in the class whom I considered as “my another best friend” which I later found out her sister was one of the biggest gangster in school that everyone scares to mess up with. As how the dramatic scene often shown in the movie I was threatened by her sister to beat me up because she received a complaint from her sister aka “my best friend” that I didn’t buy her the zodiac tarot cards that I WASN’T even asked to.

If this can be an issue try la imagine my life getting stuck with her in the same class for the good 3 years.

Go take the elevator to the 15th floor and jump. Please.

Once I was 20 years old, 

Everybody told me “You’ll be meeting your first love when you get into college.” Trust me, 5 years of being stuck in the girls school is beyond enough. I became a different person and the centre of attention for some reason when I first joined.  I started wearing contacts, kissed my braces goodbye, re-gained my lost confidence by being selected as top 10 finalists for whatever event they were organizing during my first year in college. Lucky bitch.

Finally, my time has come.

Ive learned a new thing during my life in college.  If there’s no chemistry in between, there isn’t. Don’t feel sorry for all the guys you have ever rejected.  

Made friends with a lot of interesting people, showered with love, attention given by friends ( hurm I mean all my crush ). Yes, I love my college life.

When i was 24 years old, 

I always had that dream, to go live and work abroad all by my own, cause I know I love going outside travelling all around the world to feed my curiosity, again yes, by myself. 

The first heart break is always the worst, I’m so glad I’ve experienced it because as cliché as it may sound, what doesn’t kill you by all means making you grow stronger.

Soon I’ll be 35 years old, 

Im still learning about life, wondering if I will end up sharing my future with the one that I love, wondering if I ever had opportunity to spend my new year eve counting down in NYC watching the Time Square balldrop while kissing the one I love as the snow begins to fall from the sky.

Soon we will be 50 years old,

my best friend once told me “ we will still go for a morning jog every morning or we will be getting free breakfast from those who bail on us. “ Girls I hope you are sure and you remember our promises as we get older.

Soon I will be 60 years old, 

I wish you can still put your arm around me and give me a kiss on my forehead like how you did for the first time, reminiscing about the good old days we have shared on the front porch of our little house with our grandchildren running and chasing each other as the sky slowly turns dark.

Soon I will be 60 years old

“ Will you still be mine when we are both 60 years old ? “

Once i was 7 years old.

That's my version of 7 years.

7 years - Lukas Graham

THOUGHTS : PERCEPTION VS REALITY

Words will never be enough to describe the feeling i'm having inside at this very moment.

Nestling in an amazing coffee shop,
yeah, by myself.
I love to be alone still, something that's hard to do when you're busy with work and him.
So today i'm left to my own space,
To-finally have time to breath for a minute.

****

I awoke to a peaceful morning,
Knowing that i have this whole day to myself,
I took my time, i relished.
Most importantly,
I revived.

Flashing slowly on and off,
With a cup of my favorite morning refreshment at this small little corner of the shop on my own,
I sip, and think.
Immediately i'm hit by a series of thoughts that drag me into the reality,

 Did the reality perceive the same as the world i thought i lived in?

You fear of being weird, being left out when you can't follow the crowd or fit into their box so you spend your life trying to fit in, doing things against your will trying to please others, giving them the generic responses to receive approval from the society you wish to belong to.

So you sacrifice yourself,
To live in their dreams,
You change yourself.
You created this monster out of your own and continue to create more to be accepted and survive in a place you think how the world thinks we should be.

You created this whole thought where they didn't like you because they thought you were boring, stupid, not special.

Now you're worried.

You try to be that person you feel you should be so you try every possible way to blend in to be part of it.

You refuse to be yourself.
You have no self-confidence to do anything.
You're not proud of who you are.
You don't see yourself as good enough anymore.
You feel less and less of everything.
You want to be smarter, prettier, slimmer and better in some way to shine through the others and most importantly,
To be accepted.
You're restricted,
You're tired of acting like one of them when you're not and you ruin it all in that moment.
You feel the pressure to fit in the crowd.
You just can't be the person you want to be because of the environment they grow up in and those things they are born with you have to live without.
You know to that certain extent you gotta accept that you can never become the person you wish to become.

Is it me myself who's creating all these perceptions of reality?
Or is it what reality really is from how we perceive it to be?


What am i and what do i live for?

THOUGHT : COMPARATIVE FEELINGS

Again, someone shared something to me tonight and that somehow triggered a strong memory. This is so exhausting and it bothers me a lot i want to just keep my life simple and not think about what i could have done to change things from the past. I wish i could stop time. Truth is, it will never be again what it was. The thing is, he made it hard for me to see the light in myself no matter how strong and bright they were before. It happens too often, one day you're the happiest person ever and the next day you find yourself feeling so low and hating yourself for whatever reason.  It's not the worst kind of self-hatred anyway, but i don't ever want to make comparison and feel like i'm in a haze where nothing is important to me in the current life i'm leading.


It's just so hard to keep all the negative feelings at a distance.


I just don't see myself as good enough to just focus on what truly matters to me. Instead, i care too much about what's going on around me and as absurd as it may sound, their opinions,  and that's a killer weapon that would easily affect the choices and decisions i make in life. Everyone can just easily hate what they don't know, they dislike you, they judge you, and they hate you without any apparent reason. You feel low, depressed, isolated, and you allow your emotions to be affected, you allow it to happen, and it will continue making you feel even more difficult to feel better about yourself, keep thinking of what you could've done to alter things for the better, to what you think it supposed to be after you've wasted all the opportunities and chances to be what you wanted to be.

Oftentimes we wish to have and be like others, so we compare ourselves to someone who has all the qualities and that kind of life we admire, and we strive to make ourselves achieve better success in all ways.


Here, the jealous thoughts and feelings creep in.


You feel insecure about yourself, starting to blame yourself. You let your ego get ahead of you, sabotaging your current life forcing and pushing yourself beyond your limits. You're trapped in your own comparative thoughts. You just can't seem to focus anymore.


You lose everything, including yourself.  


You don't know what to do anymore. You achieve nothing in your life.
"If you feel low about yourself you have to do something about it." Rachel said.


I hope i have the courage to start all over again and start focusing on myself to what i really want to do.


And that's just my own wishful thinking.

THOUGHT : A BRAND NEW 2016

Has it really been 3 months since my last post? Shame on me. Reflecting back on my past year i'm psychologically flooded with memories and emotions, and i have so much to be thankful for. As the days grow even shorter and we are entering the 3rd month of the year, my only hope for this brand new year is to be more persistent in achieving my goals, find balance in my life leaving space for those i truly care about, and stop taking every single thing for granted because as dramatic as it may sound, i'm already 27 i feel like i have wasted my whole life living the opposite way of how i wanted. 

Things were so different back then. We can just simply avoid things that scare us believing that we are not old enough to deal with all kind of stress. As we grow older we are afraid of the unknown, and we refuse to change, fear of things being different from how we liked them. I'm not expecting this year to be any different but we shall learn how to start diverting the focus from ego driven perspective to what's truly valuable in life - love, joy and experience. don't obsess about what other people think and feel about you and most importantly, embrace your flaws and accept yourself for who you are.  

Hope everyone had a wonderful Chinese New Year celebration in their respective corner of the world. 

THOUGHT : CONSUMED

At this very moment I feel like having some alcohol in my system. Yes, you heard that correctly. Just because i don't enjoy alcohol as much doesn't mean i don't drink and right now I want to drink for it's effect on me - at least a temporary great relief to my mind.

I've gone from supremely angry to disappointed to the boiling point i shouted, frantically, like an animal trapped in cage i could hardly be calm myself - i'm triggered, one of the few times i burst out in anger, losing my complete composure and from there i know i am no longer being able to suppress my emotions anymore. But there's one thing's for sure, the unexpected outburst eventually leads to great consequences. 

I punched myself repeatedly in my head and couldn't find a way yet just to sleep the same night. It comes back to me without any sign of warning. I just want to be filled with good memories and fall exhausted under a sky full of stars every night or maybe it's just my own wishful thinking. 

Hope the sun in shining the moment i'm awake - if only tonight i could sleep.

As the days grow even shorter, i really want to continue appreciating gift from another day, being grateful for every morning, for possibility, and for every hope that i'm always given. 

THOUGHT : SELF-IMPOSED LIMITATION

I am very much moody, extremely temperamental you never know what I’m going to act the next second. I am temporary lost I don’t even know where I am heading to. For some people I’m a seeker seeking for adventure but that’s something I portrayed myself as who I want to be. Throughout the past few years I find myself falling then rising but only to fall again. Truth is, there’s no actual limitation. The self-imposed limitation is just an excuse to cover up the failure. Okay that’s enough and so I feel like going out, out to somewhere else due to some self imposed limitations. In the coming few months though I might want to just dominantly rely on my guts instinct to every situation I’m going to face.  

BIRTHDAY 2015 - ONE YEAR WISER

I have been blessed by love and wishes from both family and friends and I’m so thankful for all I have been given for my birthday this year. From my friend’s text at midnight on the facebook page ( even though I was already half asleep ), to sweet voice message on whatsapp, phone calls, birthday celebration and the best part, receiving GIFTS,  I just can’t find words to express how grateful I am for what you guys did for me. And for those who haven’t gotten a response to your birthday wish on my facebook page I would like to express my sincerest thanks and appreciation at here for making me feel spoiled and loved beyond measure. Thank you all.

It’s been a year of a lot of change. Less concerned with the bad ones, I have accomplished a few things within this year in no particular order. Now that I am a year older, hopefully I can be a little wiser to make a longer list to achieve. 

FRANCE - EIFFEL TOWER @ PARIS

Though my time there was much too short but i have to say Paris is above and beyond the most beautiful city i've been so far. We did not let the rain discourage us from going out to explore more about this city of love. Stepping into this photogenic city especially at night - finally ! - it's pretty incredible how all the good old memories just come flooding in. Thanks Paris for the great memories and a lots of great pictures.

And also much thankful for the endless daylights allowing us to take full advantage of it to snap these awesome shots.

Mesmerized by the beauty of this amazing structure 

Always looking for a chance to enter this tower and i would say it's worth going up because you will get an incomparable view and experience of all cities you've been - or at least to me. 

View from the top of Eiffel

From us running in the rain with the cold wind constantly blows from every direction. Few minutes of bus boarding with a long emotional story sharing while munching a packet of wafer cubes to keep ourselves warm when it's so cold outside. So many amazing buildings that catch our attention occasionally with the raindrops racing across our window. Stopping for lunch on the side of the road when it finally stopped raining...ahh..there's so much more to talk about.


Thank you Paris for being so awesome to me.

NETHERLANDS - MY BEAUTIFUL ZAANSE SCHANS @ AMSTERDAM

ZAANSE SCHANS - A traditional Dutch village where you can see a large number of windmills. Such a refreshing place to visit after being dragged around the city with a camera around my neck so bulky and heavy. 

Sometimes we just need a little break from the rigidity of the hectic schedule and social expectations to remember the main purpose of life - to be happy and to make everyone happy. 

Please excuse my poor outdoor pictures because there was much rain and the day was gloomy before the sun finally came out during our visit.

GERMANY - COLOGNE

Gothic Cathedral of Cologne

This was the first time for a long time that i visited all the magnificent cathedrals including the gothic style Anglican cathedral in Liverpool and the Bath's huge Abby cathedral in this small part of the UK. When flying to Germany and i heard about visiting this Gothic Cologne Cathedral of the city i was really hoping to see something like the ones i have visited few years ago and then it turned out to be even better than i expected.

Stepping into the Cologne, which is one of the oldest cities in Germany i wish i could stop the time and live in the city for at least a a couple of weeks before moving on to the next. Not only is the view and the structure of buildings is amazing, the weather is calm with a lot of wind too - yeah, my favorite Autumn is here!

THOUGHT : DISCONNECTED

Not expressing your true emotions backfires and then you realize you're losing even more than before.

They start to feel like they can't connect with you as much as they wish they could.

When you finally open up and express your emotions, everyone's burning up with anger and then, they explode,

And that's the thing that pushes people away from each other.

The words cut like a knife, it feels like an attack,

We close up, and then we become defensive.

The more we hide the true feelings, the longer time it will take to resolve,

Or maybe, it can never be resolved.

Eventually, things start boiling up inside you,

The resentment then continues,

to create a further distance in between the two of you.

#randomthoughtofthenight


***
3 years ago...
" In 3 years time you will be drinking a cup of coffee looking at the same thing with a different perspective and start writing. "
To myself I whispered.

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THE LONG AWAITED REPLY

Because you stopped being a friend.

That's kinda hurt,

I once fell too deep and i found it impossible to shut away the acute feeling of that emotional pain,

I waited all day and night, only ended up with disappointment that i'm certainly not surprised.

The last chance i was given, the last chance i have wasted, i can't believe i was actually the one who ran away because of my selfishness.

Your blog was all about me and left abandoned after we had drifted apart.

Finally, the ever dreaded good bye is real.

I just couldn't get over the fact that it's over.

But somehow i survived.

I promised to not linger in the past. Whatever it was that i missed, I choose not to bother anymore.

Nothing hurts if you don't let it.

I still wish to see you reply even when it's impossible just because i know you too well.

And this day, somewhere after 2 years,

As anxious and not-too-excited-anymore as i was to see the familiar name finally appeared on the screen,

I smile. That smile that i can't even describe.

We talked a bit, just a little.

Deep down I might just be feeling a little gloomy but it doesn't mean that i'm still missing our good old days. I just don't get why it only happens after so many years. But it doesn't really matter to me because the burden that i bear has already long gone.

At least you still remember me.

Or because i know i shall not be entirely forgotten.

A new chapter of my life has just begun. It's like a cycle that repeats.

I would love for him to write a different ending to this new chapter in my life because i know he can,

Even when i haven't had much confidence on him just yet.

But at least, he is the reason that makes my heart smile everyday.

RELATIONSHIP

Dating is a time for people to enjoy knowing and learning more about their partner’s character and personality without having the expectation on how things should turn out to be. I prefer to take things slower because I believe it helps making the relationship stronger by building a strong base step by step from the beginning.

*****

I’m really stressed out in my relationship when it isn’t even that solid yet. I don’t have a clear perspective anymore on how much I really like this person.  I’m not sure if my relationship is moving too fast because I started to feel more and more uncomfortable with the rules he sets for the relationship. Everyone is flawed, but to me everything about him is almost perfect to me, if there’s one thing I really need to talk about, I wish he could tone his speech down a little bit every time when he talks to me. Still, not a big issue anyway I still love him a lot. It just that sometimes it’s quite hurtful to know that you’re not as important as his priorities in life even if it makes sense rationally. I don’t want it to sound unreasonable but I feel like I’m always second best. I just feel unimportant compared to his family and his cousins but I’m not saying this is something bad. Sometimes you just can’t help feeling this way.

The more we know each other the more I feel like he always wants to be on top of things and only like hearing the sound of his own voice rather than mine and this constantly making me feel less like a partner and making my feelings sound less important than his priorities in life. It takes two to tango, everyone is raised differently and certainly their priorities are different and neither of them should expect change from each other. But again, a priority is depends on circumstances. I willing to give in anything but I don’t feel the same to him. It’s not a compromising anymore if you’re the only one doing it and giving him exactly what he wants without getting what we need in return. I just don’t want to upset him by telling him what he doesn’t like to hear.

Now that i have been introduced into the family, this is certainly adding more stress and pressure into the relationship because it’s no longer one side’s feeling that I have to take care of. 

Sometimes in life we just want to feel better in a relationship no matter how much you love this person and if they cared and loved you enough they would spend time listen to you and willing to accept that you aren’t ready for certain things yet in a relationship. People eventually leave and find someone better who can make them feel good.  

THE BANANA PEOPLE

I'm Malaysian born Chinese. I went to the English elementary school ( St.Ronan ) the first four years but i would say Mandarin is my first language since i was being sent to a Chinese primary school and that's when i learned the most of it. I just can never be thankful enough to have the opportunity to pick up a really difficult language as a child effortlessly. I speak both English and Mandarin at home ( my dad is Chinese but he can't speak nor understand Mandarin ) so i am not strong in either language because i don't have a proper one to speak daily since i was little, which, i do not have native-like control of either English or Mandarin. And in this case they regard this as semi-lingualism.

Apparently i notice, most Asians, particularly the Chinese, they have the very strong admiration towards white, western, Caucasian, European or those native English speakers living in the same part of world. There's a lot of Chinese families choose not to teach Mandarin to their children and send them to the English school to make them fully fit into the social group because most Chinese parents are so ethnocentric that they kinda make assumptions and judge other group based on their own limited experience, thinking that people who can speak good English are way more superior to those who don't or even can't. So, they sorta wanna make their children to be "banana-people." People like this tend to think that they are smarter and more capable in many ways as compared to those who can't speak the same language fluently. It's just too sad to know that most of the non-native English speakers are insulted and feel disrespected by others because they are not good at speaking their second language.

Having said that, it's understandable for those Chinese who are born and raised overseas without having the chance and ability to speak their own language, it just seems a little sad because they lose a sense of belonging but again of course, this is just an individual choice, not all Chinese has to know how to speak and write in Mandarin.

It's so pathetic to see that there's a lot of people taking great pride in their ability to speak fluent English and these people normally being regarded as "banana-people" - yellow on the outside but white ( western thinking and speaking their language ) on the inside. People just don't realize that English is just part of the tool communication and it doesn't define how smart, talented, great and rich you are as a person in the society. They just afraid to be a loser and want to live up and fit into society's expectation whereas the true losers are those who force themselves to regardlessly follow the rules and leading a unhappy life with the paths they have chosen just to be socially accepted.

But hey, why not think about this, when you're making fun of someone who speaks broken English, at least they can speak more than one language and they could have more friends than you do.because of their ability to speak more than a language?

Everyone deserves to be treated equally living in the same society. Never look down on someone based on your own judgement and assumption because of your limited exposure and experience. Instead, learn how to be bigger than yourself by keep learning to improve and be a better person to gain respect of others.

Rest in Peace, Grandma

My beloved grandma passed away yesterday morning. The reason why i'm putting this up is because she taught me the most valuable lesson after her death - Never take a single day for granted. I kept thinking there's always a tomorrow for me to visit her when she was in critical condition suffering from pain and probably struggling for every breath hoping to see every single one of us before she leaves. There are some regrets we just have to live with and this is definitely one of them. I didn't get a chance to see her, kiss her forehead and say good bye to her. Here's a lesson to every single one of you who's reading this, just an advice, no matter how busy you are dealing with your life and work, please take some quality time to spend with your family. Good time management is all about work-life balance. Happiness is the ultimate goal in life, and it comes from nothing but the love of your family. No one can wait forever. Please spend more time to show your appreciation before it's too late.

Popo, you will forever be missed and loved.

I love you, grandma

And, I miss you so much.

Nape piercing - FINALLY !

Previous thought about nape piercing back in 2013

***
I feel like going out, I feel like drinking some alcohol to ease the pain i'm having. I'm being all depressed right now when i'm supposed to be happy with my new piercing i have wanted for so long.
Yea, that's a nape piercing i'm taking about, my first surface piercing i ever had. During the process the pain was so acute i could cry. ( or maybe because i have a low pain tolerance for pain ) but no, i'm not complaining about it and i will never regret having it because i have always been absolutely fascinated by the piercing on the nape for no reason.

Side note,

Somehow the worst part is not the pain i'm experiencing during the healing process but the pain of being judged harshly by others. I won't let the negative opinions and judgement get me down so easily because i know exactly where i stand and what am i doing. It's not an impromptu decision but the urge has been there for more than a year and during the year i have been weighing all the possible consequences and saving hard for it before I decide to put two permanent holes on my nape to enhance the look of my existing cross tattoo.

Any piercings will hurt, as for the nape piercing i would say, this is the most painful one i got because the needle is inserted directly to your skin without the numbing spray like most of the piercer out there will use for any types of body piercings. I was asked to lie down on my face and before they start inserting a needle the area will be first sterilised. I was so worried about not coping with the pain but I put my full trust in Frankie as he said he will try his best to minimize the pain as best as he could.  In case you don't already know Franky Ng he has a fantastic reputation is the most recommended certified piercer in KL and i'm really glad to call him my friend. The pain was relatively intense than the previous old school method ( using a clamp and piercing needle ) but for my case, to lower the chances of infection and rejection the needle was inserted and here you will feel a sharp scratch ( the pain only lasted for 2 seconds ) and being pushed and taken out from the exit point before they put the flat surface bar in. I almost cried during the "pushing" part because the needle was being pushed under the skin and i was being told i have thicker nape skin so the process was prolonged to reach another end - same goes to the pain - a bearable pain depending on your threshold. The only thing i feel glad is that as my face was facing down i don't have to see the whole actual piercing taking place.

To me the process was very painful. The pain subsided as soon as the perforation is done but still the slight pain is there ( skin burning ) whenever you move and it will go on for a few days make sure you take extra care to avoid infection and rejection. The most challenging part about healing is to keep your hair away and avoid hitting it or sleeping on it. Otherwise everything is fine.

The pain is bearable but the pain of a heartbreak is never that easy to deal with. Apparently my boyfriend dislike this new piercing it just driving me insane when people close to me are not too happy with the things i am doing because i'm all too aware of how every little thing i do affect them.

It just so sad.

So piercing, please treat me well and i cant wait until you fully heal. Don't be a bitch to me pretty please.