The ill-tempered me

Nothing feels as bad as you feel like a burden to someone else. My day got off to a rough start when the squabble this morning was about the transportation issues that made me almost late for work. I have a real bad temper, and I was supremely annoyed to the point I yelled and shouted at my mom like one angry tiger roaring in the cage I can hardly calm myself down. I felt justifiably angry for her very last minute notice. I wasn’t left with much time for any alternatives and this leads me losing my complete composure and there went out another fight with sister with her boyfriend witnessing everything unfold.

I walked away defiantly and slammed the front door shut leaving mom looking upset and disappointed behind, something which I couldn’t care less at the very moment. Tears of sadness stinging my face down to my chapped lips but nothing can beat the pain I was having in the chest. I’ve hurt someone who has made major sacrifices carrying the responsibility which is not even her obligation to provide full transportation service for the job I’m currently having all this while. Now more like I’m self-loathing with the thing I’ve done hurting my mom so badly than being late for work wasting all my efforts throughout the month fighting for the incentive. I punch myself repeatedly in my head and couldn’t find a reason yet just to forgive myself. So exhausting of knowing that it’s nearly impossible for me to change the way I’m all the while so used to be, I get irritated so easily even by the slightest thing and burst out with anger like one animal trapped in cage I can barely comfort myself and now that I think of it, that’s probably the reason why my ex felt driven away and then, that’s the end of our last chapter. Well, I haven’t learned my lesson from it, and that’s already a given. I’ve tried every possible way including writing myself a reminder with post it sticky notes and stick it to the wall to make sure it remains visible from every single corner of the room whenever I enter.

It’s time for a change. I don’t wish to disappoint anyone any longer. There’s nothing I could possibly return you mom that would sum up the years of love I’ve been given. And now I should really find a solution to avoid the same thing happens again near future.