THOUGHT : CONSUMED

At this very moment I feel like having some alcohol in my system. Yes, you heard that correctly. Just because i don't enjoy alcohol as much doesn't mean i don't drink and right now I want to drink for it's effect on me - at least a temporary great relief to my mind.

I've gone from supremely angry to disappointed to the boiling point i shouted, frantically, like an animal trapped in cage i could hardly be calm myself - i'm triggered, one of the few times i burst out in anger, losing my complete composure and from there i know i am no longer being able to suppress my emotions anymore. But there's one thing's for sure, the unexpected outburst eventually leads to great consequences. 

I punched myself repeatedly in my head and couldn't find a way yet just to sleep the same night. It comes back to me without any sign of warning. I just want to be filled with good memories and fall exhausted under a sky full of stars every night or maybe it's just my own wishful thinking. 

Hope the sun in shining the moment i'm awake - if only tonight i could sleep.

As the days grow even shorter, i really want to continue appreciating gift from another day, being grateful for every morning, for possibility, and for every hope that i'm always given. 

THOUGHT : SELF-IMPOSED LIMITATION

I am very much moody, extremely temperamental you never know what I’m going to act the next second. I am temporary lost I don’t even know where I am heading to. For some people I’m a seeker seeking for adventure but that’s something I portrayed myself as who I want to be. Throughout the past few years I find myself falling then rising but only to fall again. Truth is, there’s no actual limitation. The self-imposed limitation is just an excuse to cover up the failure. Okay that’s enough and so I feel like going out, out to somewhere else due to some self imposed limitations. In the coming few months though I might want to just dominantly rely on my guts instinct to every situation I’m going to face.  

BIRTHDAY 2015 - ONE YEAR WISER

I have been blessed by love and wishes from both family and friends and I’m so thankful for all I have been given for my birthday this year. From my friend’s text at midnight on the facebook page ( even though I was already half asleep ), to sweet voice message on whatsapp, phone calls, birthday celebration and the best part, receiving GIFTS,  I just can’t find words to express how grateful I am for what you guys did for me. And for those who haven’t gotten a response to your birthday wish on my facebook page I would like to express my sincerest thanks and appreciation at here for making me feel spoiled and loved beyond measure. Thank you all.

It’s been a year of a lot of change. Less concerned with the bad ones, I have accomplished a few things within this year in no particular order. Now that I am a year older, hopefully I can be a little wiser to make a longer list to achieve. 

FRANCE - EIFFEL TOWER @ PARIS

Though my time there was much too short but i have to say Paris is above and beyond the most beautiful city i've been so far. We did not let the rain discourage us from going out to explore more about this city of love. Stepping into this photogenic city especially at night - finally ! - it's pretty incredible how all the good old memories just come flooding in. Thanks Paris for the great memories and a lots of great pictures.

And also much thankful for the endless daylights allowing us to take full advantage of it to snap these awesome shots.

Mesmerized by the beauty of this amazing structure 

Always looking for a chance to enter this tower and i would say it's worth going up because you will get an incomparable view and experience of all cities you've been - or at least to me. 

View from the top of Eiffel

From us running in the rain with the cold wind constantly blows from every direction. Few minutes of bus boarding with a long emotional story sharing while munching a packet of wafer cubes to keep ourselves warm when it's so cold outside. So many amazing buildings that catch our attention occasionally with the raindrops racing across our window. Stopping for lunch on the side of the road when it finally stopped raining...ahh..there's so much more to talk about.


Thank you Paris for being so awesome to me.

NETHERLANDS - MY BEAUTIFUL ZAANSE SCHANS @ AMSTERDAM

ZAANSE SCHANS - A traditional Dutch village where you can see a large number of windmills. Such a refreshing place to visit after being dragged around the city with a camera around my neck so bulky and heavy. 

Sometimes we just need a little break from the rigidity of the hectic schedule and social expectations to remember the main purpose of life - to be happy and to make everyone happy. 

Please excuse my poor outdoor pictures because there was much rain and the day was gloomy before the sun finally came out during our visit.

GERMANY - COLOGNE

Gothic Cathedral of Cologne

This was the first time for a long time that i visited all the magnificent cathedrals including the gothic style Anglican cathedral in Liverpool and the Bath's huge Abby cathedral in this small part of the UK. When flying to Germany and i heard about visiting this Gothic Cologne Cathedral of the city i was really hoping to see something like the ones i have visited few years ago and then it turned out to be even better than i expected.

Stepping into the Cologne, which is one of the oldest cities in Germany i wish i could stop the time and live in the city for at least a a couple of weeks before moving on to the next. Not only is the view and the structure of buildings is amazing, the weather is calm with a lot of wind too - yeah, my favorite Autumn is here!

THOUGHT : DISCONNECTED

Not expressing your true emotions backfires and then you realize you're losing even more than before.

They start to feel like they can't connect with you as much as they wish they could.

When you finally open up and express your emotions, everyone's burning up with anger and then, they explode,

And that's the thing that pushes people away from each other.

The words cut like a knife, it feels like an attack,

We close up, and then we become defensive.

The more we hide the true feelings, the longer time it will take to resolve,

Or maybe, it can never be resolved.

Eventually, things start boiling up inside you,

The resentment then continues,

to create a further distance in between the two of you.

#randomthoughtofthenight


***
3 years ago...
" In 3 years time you will be drinking a cup of coffee looking at the same thing with a different perspective and start writing. "
To myself I whispered.