Feeling absolutely numb at this moment. My mind is literally blank. Not sure if that's the reaction of suppressing it or the triple dose of numbness it gives but one thing's for sure, i'm not feeling as good today. I can't bring myself to laugh at the jokes or talk to the people around me like how i normally used to, i just wish to spend more time alone to think thing through.
I am being very selective and only talked to some sympathetic ears. I have no way of knowing if they are just being too kind to embarrass me with the usual setbacks i have faced and shared, i just want to write it out hoping to adjust my mindset back on track and focus on the present but not suppressing it underneath until the major meltdown strikes.
To deliberately keep it as vague as possible, i concluded it by telling you here, now, it just happens to everyone particularly those who set incredibly high standards for everything and never settle for less, the more determined you are to touch the sky, the stronger the gravity pulls you from the ground, that pretty much sum up the feelings i was left with from the things i've gone through all this while. I just start to feel like i can't cope with it any longer, the continuous disappointment is too much to bear, yes, lost count of the number of same failures i've met. Sometimes i wish my dream was made of clay which able to be sculpted to how i want it to be. That'd probably save me a lot of time from walking to the dead end tunnel with all the false hopes and expectations.
I acted like i don't care when the sorrow within is too much to bear. At least that puts a smile on my face with the unintentional rhyme that just happened. Reading my last post you may have noticed that i have contradicted myself by convincing people how positive you have to be while waiting for the good ones to come. Deep down inside i find myself just another pathetic pessimist that whines, just about anything against me that is happening around. I weigh every single possibility for a change. I may be relatively slow in showing the progression, taking considerable amount of time to put things into action, but here i am making an effort to make my first step to success, taking the baby steps, slowly, but surely, and it's always better than 100% percent of nothing.
I just need to succeed the last time, and that all that matters.
**
Unrelated note, suffering from gum infection tonight, boh mood + 2nd level boh mood = major boh mood tonight.
Ewwww gross take a look at my lower swollen gum. Mad painful ley. Imagine you can't eat can't drink and can't even talk properly.
Ewwww gross take a look at my lower swollen gum. Mad painful ley. Imagine you can't eat can't drink and can't even talk properly.
Okok some people tell me that by taking a quick glance it looks like something else but hey! lol!
Sienz.....
Good morning to you and good night to me !
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