Silent night

The temperature fell immediately from 25 to all the way down below 5 as the time reaches 6pm. I didn't want the night to end too soon when most of the shops already closed except some bars and restaurants along that street that never sleeps. I took a stroll nearby when I can hear the cars on the road in the distance but barely see them passing by in the same street I was walking. Such a beautiful silent hour with the perpetual strong wind blowing and howling all around in this cold night.

 I briskly crossed the pedestrian street to reach the opposite park with some benches and that big lawn lighten up by the dimmed streetlights, only to be glad I'm in my thick blue hooded sweater that keeps me warmer all night. I sat in one of the park-benches, no coffee, no music, just pure sitting at there, enjoying every single breath I take living in the moment. How badly I wish the time could stop I don't wish everything to end too soon. Then it dawned on me: time never waits. Live in the moment cause we will never know what's coming the next second. I've been losing too much when I spent most of my time whining, regretting and complaining, and this certainly causes me losing even more. I quite fearful about the fact when 2 persons can be so close one day and then the next it's as though one of them doesn't even exist to another, and how one person can easily change into that one you never thought can ever possibly become, no one could ever explain it to my satisfaction so I'll take it as something that can happen anytime with no any signs and reasons.

 I've experienced the profound depression from this and it still hurts a little flashing back but no point returning to how it was before. Reluctantly I forced my mind to future, I suppose it will be something a little better, but not that much better, it may or not can be as exciting life I once had before but ain't that we all moving forward from the each and every single minute that's ticking away? Silent as this air, heavy as this earth, it'd be great if there's something here that allows me to crank up some songs and drown me out in this night. One thing's for certain, I'm backsliding. The night thought hit me like tons my bricks. Instead of allowing I'm suppressing those urges that will outbreak occasionally, no cure to this deadly disease and I admitted to have bring this to my own.

I stood up straight, heavy steps with my head bowed I took my each step back to the direction that leads all the way home...with one clouded mind that yet to be cleared up.